Have you ever been talking with someone and felt that they are miles away even though they were sitting next to you?
They might have appeared to be listening but you could sense that they weren’t really mentally and emotionally present in the conversation.
We all have moments when our mind wanders and we lose focus, but if this happens frequently, our relationships with others will be negatively affected. In a marriage for example, intimacy is enhanced by feelings of connection and harmed when partners start feeling disconnected.
When a spouse is physically present but mentally absent, the partner will feel the difference.
Something important is missing. One of the ways you can show respect and care for your spouse is to give the gift of undivided attention.
Like wise you show a high self-esteem when you value connecting deeply with others.
It takes practice and disciple to pull your self back to the present moment when your mind jumps ahead at the deepest, most intimate level. Follow these five tips to be more present when you interact with your spouse.
Each interaction either adds a deposit to the intimacy bank or withdraws from it. * look directly at your partner when he/she is talking to you. This shows respect and will make it easier for you to keep focused.
* When your mind warders, gently re-direct it back to the present moment. Take a deep breath to help you stay anchored and cluttered.
* Ignore stray thoughts that reflect across your mind trying to distract you. Never give them attentions.
* If you are too distracted to concentrate tell your spouse politely. “It’s really important for me to focus on what you are saying I can’t seem to concentrate right now. Could we schedule a time to talk later today?”
* Keep the bigger picture in mind. You are investing time and energy into creating an intimate and excellent relationship with your partner.
Monday, July 30, 2007
TIPS FOR A PERFECT COMMUNICATION IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Like the heart in the human body, I believe that communication in relationships connect all the vital elements and sustain the life of relationships.
If you don’t talk and share your feelings, thoughts, and ideas with your partner, then your relationship might be at its breaking point.
You will never improve your communication skills or the way you share with your partner if you don’t begin with the desire to improve it. Without that desire, nothing else will matter.
* Learn to listen:
Some couples are poor listeners; they often sit while the other person is talking waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger. Sometimes the problems that arise in relationships is caused by couples that rarely listen to each other, you should listen actively and emphatically to what your partner is trying to express to you, what he/she is saying by his/her facial expressions, body language,what type of feeling about the subject is he/she trying to convey? Learn to listen to more than just the words, since words alone can’t convey full meaning.
* Don’t assume:
We often assume that we understand what our partner is trying to say and our assumptions can be dead wrong. What’s worse is when we don’t understand and won’t ask for clarification but leave the conversation assuming that we know what was said. Assumption often lead to unnecessary argument hence the best thing to do is to ask the speaker to clarify what they said if you didn’t understand.
* Study words:
You need to understand certain words your partner uses to express or relate his/her feelings to you. Invest some time to learn what he/she really meant when they say certain things. Remember the same words can mean different things to different people, so it’s important that you understand what different words mean to your partner.
* Response patterns:
When certain situation arises, we either fight or run, which is better known as fight or flight pattern. Well, some subjects trigger certain reactions in your partner, for various reasons, so you should be aware of these triggers. Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feeling that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up or it might be something that touches a painful memory and takes them to a defensive mode. You need to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers. The importance of being sensitive to your partner’s mood while communicating cannot be over-emphasized because he/she must be comfortable while sharing with you and not be afraid that you might offend them.
If you don’t talk and share your feelings, thoughts, and ideas with your partner, then your relationship might be at its breaking point.
You will never improve your communication skills or the way you share with your partner if you don’t begin with the desire to improve it. Without that desire, nothing else will matter.
* Learn to listen:
Some couples are poor listeners; they often sit while the other person is talking waiting for a space to jump into the conversation to defend their actions, explain themselves, or explode in anger. Sometimes the problems that arise in relationships is caused by couples that rarely listen to each other, you should listen actively and emphatically to what your partner is trying to express to you, what he/she is saying by his/her facial expressions, body language,what type of feeling about the subject is he/she trying to convey? Learn to listen to more than just the words, since words alone can’t convey full meaning.
* Don’t assume:
We often assume that we understand what our partner is trying to say and our assumptions can be dead wrong. What’s worse is when we don’t understand and won’t ask for clarification but leave the conversation assuming that we know what was said. Assumption often lead to unnecessary argument hence the best thing to do is to ask the speaker to clarify what they said if you didn’t understand.
* Study words:
You need to understand certain words your partner uses to express or relate his/her feelings to you. Invest some time to learn what he/she really meant when they say certain things. Remember the same words can mean different things to different people, so it’s important that you understand what different words mean to your partner.
* Response patterns:
When certain situation arises, we either fight or run, which is better known as fight or flight pattern. Well, some subjects trigger certain reactions in your partner, for various reasons, so you should be aware of these triggers. Sometimes in sharing you might bring up topics or feeling that scare your partner and put them into a flight situation where they close-up or it might be something that touches a painful memory and takes them to a defensive mode. You need to either carefully back off or gently probe for answers. The importance of being sensitive to your partner’s mood while communicating cannot be over-emphasized because he/she must be comfortable while sharing with you and not be afraid that you might offend them.
PUTTING THE SPARK BACK INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
In most relationships, it isn’t huge issues that are causing the rift but mundane things that can easily be remedied with little effort. Here are a few things you can try to give your relationship a breath of fresh air.
* One simple thing you can do to prevent the passion from slipping away in you relationship is to care about your own appearance and hygiene. I mean you have to care about how you look if you want your partner to care. I guess that makes sense. Doesn’t it?
* Take time to notice little things and compliment your partner on how they look.
* Tell them how much you appreciate it when they do something that is normally taken for granted, like cooking a meal. A kind word can go a log way to reigniting lost passion.
* Sometimes, just the idea of a romantic vacation or date together can help to spark up your relationship. Just take the time out on an afternoon and sit together making a list of places that you want to go together.
This kind of day dreaming together helps solidify the relationship and make each partner feel more secure, leading to greater intimacy.
* Taking bath or showers together on regular basis is something that keeps the passion alive always. Bathing each other is a very sensual activity and allows you to give each other while relaxing at the same time. Try it, I promise you will like it.
Just because your relationship is starting to lose its passion doesn’t mean the relationship is finished. All of the examples above are easy ways that a couple can utilize to reawaken the passion in their relationship as long as you still love each other, it is possible to bring back the passion and you do theses things I am suggesting, you will never lose it.
* One simple thing you can do to prevent the passion from slipping away in you relationship is to care about your own appearance and hygiene. I mean you have to care about how you look if you want your partner to care. I guess that makes sense. Doesn’t it?
* Take time to notice little things and compliment your partner on how they look.
* Tell them how much you appreciate it when they do something that is normally taken for granted, like cooking a meal. A kind word can go a log way to reigniting lost passion.
* Sometimes, just the idea of a romantic vacation or date together can help to spark up your relationship. Just take the time out on an afternoon and sit together making a list of places that you want to go together.
This kind of day dreaming together helps solidify the relationship and make each partner feel more secure, leading to greater intimacy.
* Taking bath or showers together on regular basis is something that keeps the passion alive always. Bathing each other is a very sensual activity and allows you to give each other while relaxing at the same time. Try it, I promise you will like it.
Just because your relationship is starting to lose its passion doesn’t mean the relationship is finished. All of the examples above are easy ways that a couple can utilize to reawaken the passion in their relationship as long as you still love each other, it is possible to bring back the passion and you do theses things I am suggesting, you will never lose it.
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